Below is the first in the "Grammar Damage 101"™ series of articles. A workshop of the same name is available in the Austin, Texas, area.

"Grammar Damage 101"™:

Him, I, Them, and Accessories

By S. Kendall Morrow

For many years, I worked in the field of facilities management, coordinating projects for business managers who were making changes in their offices. This article has nothing to do with that! Aren't you glad?

Instead, I am about to offer you something that is really valuable, a subject dear to my heart, something for which I have affinity and talent: English language and grammar! Woohoo!

Now, before you start groaning, bear in mind that the way you speak and write reflects on you for better or worse. In spite of the damage wreaked upon our native tongue by e-mail and instant messaging, most businesspeople still expect reasonably strong grammar and spelling in written correspondence, and decent language skills in speaking. This is especially true when you are applying for a job or presenting a proposal.

I am going to give you a few common errors of spelling, grammar, and pronunciation, and the corrections for them. You may be terribly erudite and not in need of any of this! You may send me messages, correcting my mistakes! If you do, however, beware! Beware The Language Snob!

Enough of that; let's get down to business:

"Accessories": This word is commonly mispronounced, much to the agony of The Language Snob's ears. It is "ack-SESS-uh-rees, " not "ass-ESS-uh-rees." I think the problem with this one is that we have been taught that saying "eck-scape" for "escape" is wrong (and it is), so we are afraid to put that hard "C" in there. If you have trouble remembering which is correct, think of this question: "Do you have access to a dictionary?"

By the way, the same rule applies to the word "succinct." The correct pronunciation is "suck-sinkt." Forget about "eck-scape" and remember "access to a dictionary."

Subjects and objects: Many people have trouble remembering whether to use subjects (he, she, they, we) or objects (him, her, them, us). This causes The Language Snob to cringe.

For example, which would you use here: "I told him the conversation was just between [he and I] or [him and me]." Believe it or not, the latter is correct. Again, we've been taught not to say, "Me and him went shopping, " so sometimes it's hard to remember. When using a preposition (between, in, over, to, under, by, etc.), the object always applies.

If it helps, think of saying only one of the objects: "The lady took a picture of him." "The lady took a picture of me." That sounds right, doesnt it? Therefore, it is also correct to say, "The lady took a picture of him and me." You may have to practice this one if you are used to using subjects.

By the way, a friend tells me she uses subjects in the beginning of a sentence and objects at the end. Pretty good rule of thumb, until you start talking about predicate nominatives. Okay, now I am just showing off.

"They" and "them": Oh, well, this one is probably never going to get fixed, but I am going to mention it anyway, simply because it bugs me. And this one is especially important in writing your resume, your proposal, or your book. The word "they" is often used instead of "he" or "she, " and the word "them" is frequently used instead of "him" or "her".

Don't get me wrong here. Certainly, "they" and "them" are often correct, as long as there is a need for using a plural pronoun. Well, I don't have to get all fancy with the terminology to explain this. (Yes, "plural pronoun" is fancy!)

The problem occurs when the word is supposed to be singular. For example (and I am choosing a fairly simple one on purpose), "There was one person closing the store last night. I saw them." If it's one person, why not say, "I saw him."?

Why? Because we don't always know the gender of the person, and we have been taught in recent decades that it is somehow sexist to say "him" (or "he;" see "Subjects and Objects, " above), so we use "them."

Confusing, isn't it? The only way I can suggest to fix this, if you dare or care, is to remember whether you are speaking of one person or more than one. If you have to say the less convenient phrase, "he or she, " say it. Or choose one or the other, sexism be darned!

And now, while The Language Snob has plenty more to say on the subject (isn't that an object?), I am going to conclude the article. If you have stuck with it this long, I know you are relieved! And that is okay, because, if you have learned one small thing, if this article has helped you in any way, then my work is done!

That is, it's done for now. Wherever there is poor grammar in the world, The Language Snob will be correcting someone.